Monterey Bay Union’s 3-0 win vs Orange County SC, March 2025
You would think that being a professional footballer would make the sport your whole entire world. Practice, weights, recovery, games, film, figuring out ways to improve, always on the mind. Nothing else matters. And in a way, that’s true, at least for me. I think you have to be obsessed with getting better and staying disciplined in order to see how far you can go, in any profession. On the other hand, being completely obsessed with our professions to the point where we neglect other aspects of our lives and put too much pressure on ourselves can hinder our ability to perform and impact others.
Growing up all I could think about was soccer in every moment. I remember juggling any ball I could find in PE class and playing World Cup at lunch with my friends. I would even watch games in class sometimes and use up all of my family’s mobile internet plan…sorry guys. Looking back, my passion for football was necessary for me to improve and it’s what made all those hours of practice fun.
As a professional things look a bit different. I’m not in school for six to seven hours a day anymore, even when I was completing online college. I arrive at training at 8 AM and leave the facility at around 2 or 2:30 PM. That’s close to six hours of everything related to soccer and I would not have it any other way. It is the best time to do what I love and to get closer to being great at it everyday. But I still have so much of the day left to myself, and earlier in my career I struggled with that. There was so much time for me to think about mistakes I made at training or in games, to worry about where my career was headed, and to make assumptions about players’ and coaches’ opinions about me. So much time to get in my own head. Soon after I signed professionally in El Paso, I was walking around my apartment complex just feeling so unfulfilled and was left asking myself if there was more to life than this.
View by my apartment in El Paso, August 2023
This question brought up a lot of other ideas for me:
What else can I do that will make me feel fulfilled?
How can I be more well-rounded?
What else am I passionate about?
Who do I want to be and how can I impact others outside of football?
Not in place of football, but rather something that would give me more purpose as a person. These questions were difficult to answer at the time and it took me a lot of thinking to figure them out. Until I did, I only saw myself as a footballer. I couldn’t see myself as more than that, or as something separate from that.
In my experience, when I only viewed myself as a soccer player it caused me to place too much value on my performances. If I played well then I kept my self-worth. If I played poorly then I lost it all. This type of self-imposed pressure made me a shell of myself, hurt my performances, and caused my self-worth to change faster than my WiFi signal. In reality, this is still an ongoing battle that I have to face. I care so much about what I do and I have ambitious dreams that I am working towards in football so it is hard to not place too much importance on things. As I grow older and gain more experience with this way of life, I am curious to see how I will continue to deal with these things.
In order to get experience, you have to live through things. You just can’t buy it. That is why I have so much respect for players who have been in the game for so long. I have been fortunate enough to play with the likes of Yuma, Eder Borelli, and Alex Dixon, all of whom provided me with so much support and advice. Hopefully, I can be a steady presence for other players as my career moves along, like those guys were for me. I definitely have had my fair share of tough moments and if I am lucky enough, I'll be in for some more.
Yuma giving me advice during practice with EP Locomotive, August 2023
About a year ago, I was in a rough spot both in my career and personally. It felt like nothing was going my way despite showing up and staying true to my values. My team was struggling for results, my closest teammates were getting traded, I wasn’t getting the playing time I wanted, there were big changes in my personal life, and my confidence was being shaken left and right. Yeah…it was overwhelming. The thing is, sometimes when you’re so screwed, you’re free.
Things can’t get much worse so the only way we can move is up. All we have to do is put one foot in front of the other and keep going. This mentality helped me separate myself from what was going on and build myself up again. During this time, I came to understand the importance of being a consistent person through both the good and bad. I also had the chance to realize my passion for helping others along with my ability to reach people in unique ways.
Lil Locos spring camp, April 2024
You know how I said “with growth comes struggle” in my earlier post What Makes Professional Sports So Difficult, Yet So Rewarding?
This is what I mean. Without experiencing that struggle, I would not be able to share this with you guys today. I hope you guys are able to understand that it is important to be obsessed with your professions and passions but to also find a separate identity outside of them. I am sure that if you do that, then you will find yourself performing better and impacting others in only the way you can.
