My good friend, Ilijah Paul, has always shared some really powerful quotes whenever we get the chance to see each other. This one is particularly relevant to this point in my career and life, but also to anyone facing challenges and doubt while striving for their goals. It is a simple phrase but speaks volumes, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” If we don’t advocate for ourselves and take the reins on our journeys, who else will? Are we really okay with leaving ourselves in the power of other people’s perceptions and expectations of us?
If that were the case for me, I wouldn’t have made it to the pros at 19 years old, played in the Barca Residency Academy—I wouldn’t have even made my ODP team in 8th grade. Where would I be now had I let other people take control of my dreams? You’d think that the more successful you get, the less you’d have to deal with this, but these are the same battles I’m still fighting today! I’m defending my dreams against the limitations and short-sightedness of certain people around me. This is why I am so thankful that my parents taught me the value of self-advocacy and self-respect from a young age because I would have been walked all over if I hadn’t learned the importance of those things. Imagine the people who aren’t as fortunate. Think about all of the times they let go of their dreams because they bought into other people’s beliefs. It aggravates me thinking about that.
I don’t think that people talk about self-advocacy enough, in sport but also in life. When you hold yourself to a high standard, the people around you have to rise to that level as well, or the imbalance in those relationships will eventually cause them to fail. A lot of us aren’t comfortable having uncomfortable conversations, or we feel like we don’t deserve certain treatment from others. That mindset is exactly what sends people into spirals of feeling worthless, depressed, undeserving, and small. We all know what that is like. We’ve all been through it.
In sports, I’ve seen countless players fail to speak up for themselves and communicate what they need from coaches and teammates. As a result, they get left behind. Taken advantage of. Mistreated. And yeah, we can say it wasn’t their fault and that the people around them weren’t good people, which might be true. But should we really accept that? Closed mouths don’t get fed. It’s our responsibility to protect our own well-being, and if we don’t stand our ground or expect respect from others, we simply won’t get it.
Self-advocacy doesn’t guarantee we’ll always get what we want, but it puts us in positions to be treated the way we deserve. That can look like speaking to a coach about how they communicate with you, or having honest conversations about your needs in a relationship. If you’re not getting the playing time you want, advocating for yourself can mean being a baller in training, bringing an edge, and making yourself impossible to ignore. The squeaky wheel gets the grease…
We all have dreams. Every one of us. And I am sure that most of you have experienced people trying to talk you out of yours. Telling you it won’t work, it’s too difficult, it isn’t the right time, you haven’t done enough…whatever it may be. Don’t fall into that trap no matter how tempting it is. Screw that. There is always a way, even if we don’t see it right away. You know what’s meant for you, give everything you have to chase it until there is nothing left. Make that noise. Shout for that food. Be relentless and get what’s yours.
On that note…exciting news soon.
