Not being appreciated can be one of the most frustrating things, especially in a sports setting. We want our peers to recognize what we bring to the team, to see our potential, and to respect us. So, when the ways that they see us do not align with how we view ourselves, it feels like we are being treated less than we deserve.
Of course, we want the acknowledgement and respect from our coaches, teammates, fans, family, etc. But relying on external factors will only get us so far. Think about it: if we were valued by others exactly how we wanted, but never built ourselves up internally, what would happen if people’s opinions suddenly changed?
What would happen to us if everyone suddenly started viewing us differently or lost sight of what we can bring to the table?
What happens when you place too much value on what others think rather than your own thoughts?
We wouldn’t have any self-value or self-belief. We would be completely at the mercy of other people’s opinions. That’s dangerous and not a sustainable way to live, in any walk of life. As athletes, dealing with not being valued is something we face constantly no matter where we are or what stage of our careers we’re in. It is easy to think that once you break through, reach a certain age, get 200+ professional appearances, that people will value you to a certain extent—or at least treat you with respect. That just makes sense right? I mean, at least it does to me. But being in different professional environments and listening to my teammates’ experiences throughout their careers, I learned that no one is safe.
As burdensome as it may be, being in situations where we are undervalued and misunderstood can become opportunities for us to build ourselves up in our own minds, often more powerfully than if we had been valued all along.
Look, if you’re an athlete I know that you have been overlooked. It is just all part of it. The thing is though, knowing that this is part of the process has never been enough to actually fix the issue for me. And you might feel the same. We can know that this struggle will eventually get us to where we want to go. It will help us be who we are supposed to be, but that does not make the feelings that come with this experience easy to accept.
Am I supposed to be okay with being undervalued by coaches and teammates? Sure, I talk a lot about focusing on my own opinions instead of others’—this a huge component to success—but that’s easier said than done when those opinions directly affect your playing time and your career. What then?
El Paso Locomotive vs North Carolina FC, September 2024
When people say, “things always work out” or “there’s growth through struggle” (yes, I say this too, hahah), while very true—it doesn’t always help in the moment. Sometimes we need more than words to pull us out of a funk. Understanding these concepts is important to gain some perspective when we are in the trenches, but we are going to need more than that to dig ourselves out.
I believe letting go of outcomes, not overvaluing others’ opinions, and allowing things to take their course is critical for success in any field. But there’s a difference between ignoring opinions and accepting them as valid or normal. Why would we want to allow anyone’s opinions of who we are and what we can do bleed into the ways that we think about ourselves? Why would we want the feelings of being overlooked and undervalued to be normal?
There are times when I wish I wouldn’t be pissed off, upset, and down when these things happen. But if I didn’t, if I thought that this was common and normal, what would that say about the ways that I value myself? It’s good that we feel some type of way about being undervalued or misunderstood. It means that we hold ourselves highly and we know that we should be treated differently. It means that we know our worth.
Of course, there are instances where we can lose sight of our worth as athletes—when we start believing the negative things our coaches or teammates say. It is hard not to, especially in an environment that doesn’t value us. While we might begin to see our peers’ perspectives as the “the norm”, deep down there is always a voice somewhere reminding us that this isn’t you, and this doesn’t have to be the case.
Credit: Kiera Winslow, August 2025
When you finally snap out of that state of mental fog, you realize how much weight you’ve put on other people’s beliefs—and how wrong they were about you. That’s when you start rebuilding yourself and acting in ways that actually reflect who you are. After being so lost, reclaiming your game makes it much harder for anyone to push you back down. And when you do fall (because we all do), you’ll already have gained enough experience to keep from falling as hard and the tools to put yourself back together again.
We don’t have to run away from the emotions that come with being undervalued. Their presence gives us the ability to better ourselves and move forward in the right way. We can acknowledge that things are unfair and unjust but within that we have to respond in alignment with our values. At the end of the day, that is all that we have.
